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The Global Identification of Latent Kittens
by Lily S. May (c)2010
Further to our course content outline:
Section A--The Global Identification of Latent Kittens.
Due to the vast areas of conflict, out and out war,
starvation,
and degradation of land and sea,
our task, while extremely difficult,
is urgent.
With that in mind,
we have assembled teams
of researchers
plus a wide array of citizens on each continent
whose task it is
to meet with local elders and youth
to collect stories of any
and all
actual sightings and direct contact
with latent kittens,
plus specific non-intrusive identification
methods and practices.
By so doing, we hope to coordinate reports
that will start to indicate
the size, scope and locale
of the remaining latent kitten population.
Our own local team
includes several members
of our class
plus two researchers
from the Philosophy Department
who have requested and been granted
sabbaticals this year
to help in this worldwide
awareness and recovery effort.
needed for teams in the field:
A. Non-violent communication, so necessary
for establishing any trust
with local peoples,
let alone latent kittens,
should our teams come across any.
B. Open mindedness to receiving
stories both scientific and fabled.
C. Humility--this is an area that is in need of much development
in humanity
and has applications
well beyond the plight of latent kittens.
(Indeed, the development of all these areas
has far reaching implications
for all spheres of human endeavor
and for the fate of all species.)
We have enlisted the expertise of several groups of people
from around the world
to help train our teams,
including a group
of radical gardeners
from a variety of harsh climates
who have years of personal experience
in the aforementioned areas
of nonviolence, open mindedness
and humility.
Indeed, this group has graciously accepted our invitation
to speak with our class
this Thursday afternoon
before setting out
on their training expeditions,
one of which, I am pleased
to announce,
will include our local team.
We expect reports from the trainers
to begin arriving in a month
and to continue for the following two.
Once our fact-finding teams enter their fields,
we have established lines of
communication
through roving groups
of international musicians and carpenters
who will collect initial findings
and begin passing these on to us
as early as this coming March.
A note for members of our local
Your training commences
next Monday at 9 a.m.
in Stoney Park,
adjacent to the University.
You are to gather by the recently initiated
grassroots art project
near the abandoned monument
in the centre of the park.
Since our classes are often held outdoors,
you will no doubt see us in the park from time to time
as we continue our look at historical sightings
of latent kittens in and around the campus.
As we end today's class,
we very much look forward
to the presentation tomorrow by several students
who have taken it upon themselves
to compose anthems
in the style of folk songs from the 20th century
dedicated to latent kittens the world over.
Initial Reports from Fact Finding Teams in the Field:
As you know, some of the initial reports
As you know, some of the initial reports
from our teams in the field have begun surfacing.
We shall spend much of the day considering
the report from our local team,
but before that,
I want to take some time
to address your ongoing questions
about identifying latent kittens,
in particular,
how to distinguish them
from the turning orrrje,
that species that,
to the untrained eye and ear,
bears a striking
resemblance to the latent kitten.
So far, we have had to resort
to the use of models and photographs
in our studies
since, to date, we have not
come across any sightings of
latent kittens or turning orrrjes
in the field.
You will recall that we have paid particular attention
to two physical differences
between the species.
1. The differently coloured eyes (one blue
and one brown) of latent kittens
contrasts sharply
with the hazel eyes of the turning orrrjes.
and, in those instances when you
come upon these
species
from the rear
and, hence, are unable
to see their eyes:
2. The mottled brown through beige colouration
on the head, neck and upper back
of the turning orrrje
presents a definitive difference
between that species' pigmentation
and the more uniform hue of the latent kitten.
I'd like to add,
that with practice, you will become less surprised
upon meeting these two creatures
and more able to calmly
look at either their eyes
or head, neck and upper back
to make an easy identification.
Since the orrrjes have somehow
managed to escape
the intense lethal human attention
paid to the latent kittens,
most of us are more likely
to have already seen several turning orrrjes.
The same cannot be said
of latent kittens.
And so, we need to focus
on as many forms
of identification as possible.
With that in mind,
let us turn to auditory
differences.
Here, again, are distinct contrasts
to the attentive ear.
While both species have
their characteristic low
to medium pitch
rumbling utterances,
it is only the latent kitten
who breaks into melodious song,
for want of a better description.
One of the lasting impressions
of sympathetic humans
who have been in contact with latent kittens
is of being in a field
of harmonious sound.
Indeed, several researchers
have pointed to these
harmonious vocalizations
as the root stimulus
for humanity's outrages against latent kittens,
triggering the unfortunate behaviour
of destroying beauty
that our species too often exhibits,
and attempts to rationalize,
in our dealings with
the other.
(Perhaps it would be useful for us,
at a later time,
to consider why it is
that we find so much of the world,
including members of our own species,
the other,
and why it is that time and again,
we destroy what is beautiful in our habitat
and replace it
with buildings of stultifying ugliness.)
We shall return, later, to any further questions
you may have
about identifying latent kittens,
but for now,
let us turn to the report
from our local team in the field.
I have some surprising findings
to pass on to you, both hopeful and tragic.
To get the more tragic,
but, sadly,
expected aspects
out of the way first:
our local team has found solid evidence
that latent kittens
once actually flourished
in this very area that,
over time,
has been taken over
and made into our campus.
In the late 1800s and early 1900s,
many latent kittens were systematically
hunted down by the city's founders
in the night
and exterminated through the use
of guns, knives, and ropes
in full view of latent kittens' family and friends,
all in the name of progress and clearing tracts of land
for what was deemed to be
the more civilized use of the land.
(And, here, please permit me
to voice an emotional aside
about our culture's reprehensibly and repeatedly
using the excuse of civilizing this, that or the other
beings
through various forms of enslavement and/or murder.)
Much of the history of the ancestors
of modern latent kittens
was lost during the 20th century
as individuals scattered and hid
in attempts to save their lives.
It was only through the fortuitous discovery
of eyewitness accounts of the massacres
by the ancestors of one of our
esteemed local artists, Shalamar Johnston,
that these sad facts came to light.
Shalamar, in hearing about our research,
contacted a member of our local team
and made available
a veritable treasure trove
of original old paper manuscripts,
early tape recordings
and some of the last known computer printouts
saved and passed on by her family
who were either alive during the extermination
or privy to impassioned accounts
passed from parent to child
over several decades.
Turning from this outrage
to the more hopeful aspect of this story,
one of the researchers on sabbatical
from the Philosophy Department,
whom I spoke of earlier,
was in contact with a particularly gifted student of hers,
who revealed that he has firsthand knowledge
of a surviving group of latent kittens
living not far from the original site
of their ancestors' tragic demise.
As a result of this heartening news,
our team has enlisted the aid
of the aforementioned philosophy student
who, as we speak,
is in active negotiation with some latent kitten elders
to learn if any are willing to be in contact
with our team.
This is a very delicate matter, as I'm sure
you can appreciate,
since trust between
latent kittens and human beings
has been badly, if not nearly totally,
irrevocably
damaged.
However, the very revelation
of direct communication
between latent kittens
and a human being
living on the site of a past atrocity
is extremely heartening to us,
showing the capacity of that
admirable species
for discerning differences
within another species,
something we humans are sorely lacking
in our own intertribal, as it were,
hatreds,
let alone our prejudices about other species,
and pointing to yet another quality of latent kittens
that we would do well to emulate.
We await imminent news of the negotiations
which I shall be imparting to you
during our very next meeting.
